Let me elaborate. Every parent is the expert on his or her child. That's it. Nobody else is. If everyone just realized this and stopped attempting to give unsolicited advice to other parents, the world would be a much more peaceful place - or at least, the portions of the Internet where parents congregate.
Being a parent is so personal and so emotional that it's no surprise that any advice about your kid seems like an attack. I'll intentionally set aside vaccinations for now, because that's a whole book waiting to be written (but probably not by me). Outside of that, the main minefield of momhood has got to be the "controversy" between bottle vs. breastfeeding.
I sometimes read parenting articles and blogs when I'm aimlessly surfing the 'net after I've checked my fantasy baseball/NASCAR teams and/or whether there are any great indie game deals, and man do moms that breastfeed get worked up about moms not breastfeeding (and to a slightly lesser extent, vice versa).
As a dad, I don't have firsthand knowledge of what it's like to nurse a baby with my body, but I'll try to tastefully share what knowledge I have gained from our two children without coming across as arrogant or insane. Let me start with some facts: Katie exclusively breastfed Simon for the first 6 months and we intend to do the same with Cecily. If you're a Kaiser Permanente member, the hospital pushes breastfeeding pretty heavily. Their information and documentation is what primarily informed our decision and why we - for our children - felt that we would try to avoid formula-feeding as much as possible.
Here's what I've observed. Breastfeeding is hard. It can hurt. An infant treats your bust unlike any loving partner (unless maybe you're 50 Shades-ing it), and they're so little and so inexperienced. Infants have only a minuscule idea on how the whole deal works, so the onus on getting them to understand how to not bite and how to get enough nourishment and being patient enough when they don't learn instantly is all on mom. Sometimes they act like they're hungry and then don't want to cooperate. Sometimes they cry during feeding. Sometimes they act hungry minutes after a big feeding. It means that Katie is hogtied to the baby's hunger, and it can be frustrating. After a while, though, it gets much, much easier, as the baby gains practice. I think this fact also made it so much easier with Cecily; we knew that the difficulty ramp would fall as she got better at her end of the operation.
It also means, however, that there's little I can do to help before we begin the bottle phase, which needs to be delayed lest the baby suffer from the dreaded curse of nipple confusion. For me, this is the major downside; there are times when Cecily is crying because she's hungry and there's nothing I can do to soothe her. But, for us, the purported benefits outweigh this short period of time where I'm useless when it comes to feeding her: free food that's scientifically supposed to be better than any possible formula and ample time for mom and baby to bond in a very intimate way.
But, really, what I want to say to every other parent out there is: it really is OK if you formula feed, and don't let any breastfeeding mom tell you otherwise. Your kid will be just fine; heck, he or she will probably turn out better than those breastfed brats. If you choose to breastfeed, it gets better. It's pretty ornery those first few weeks, but if you can power through, it becomes much easier. Also, breastmilk is great for babies and I'm certain your kids will turn out totally smarter and more well developed than those formula freaks.
Also, seriously, never give parents parenting advice unless they ask for it, because regardless of how well-intentioned it may be, they'll just secretly hate you for it. To all those parents that I may have adviced before I had kids of my own and realized what a lousy jagoff I was being: I humbly and sincerely apologize. I honestly didn't know any better.
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